How NOT to find a roommate

Finding my way home

“So we’ve been talking and we have a few deal breakers.”

I looked at my two possible new roommates and wondered how I would feel dating them. I mean that is what we are discussing. It has to be, right? We’re discussing deal breakers. What else could it be?

I thought I had seen it all when it comes to living with people.

I’ve had a number of roommates through the years. It began in boarding school with a girl who said to me on the first day: “Phew I am relieved. I thought you were going to be 500 pounds and fart in your sleep.”

Intestinal issues resolved, we moved on and became good friends.

There was a mormon roommate in college who did not like my partying ways. In Prague, I tried to live with a male. I became more maid than roommate.

I’ve lived with a two -year-old and a seven-month old as a live-in nanny for two years and eventually three girls in a four-bedroom place. There were two bathrooms and floors. We survived.

I don’t know if I can count the number of roommates or landlords I have had through the years, but I would say it’s a fairly common situation for me to be in.

So when I saw a room advertised on Bermuda’s-own classified website, emoo, I thought I would have no problem passing the inevitable roommate questions.

I went on the first date.

“We’re totally happy to have someone move in, but we wanted to make sure it was the right match. Oh, I have a dog, so I hope you’re ok with that.”

“Yeah that’s fine.”

We chatted. They like to cook, they work together and they were trying to fill an unfurnished apartment with things and people before rent was due.

I left happy. I called the next day to say I would be interested in the room.

“Oh great. But, um…this is weird. We never thought we would have one roommate we liked let alone two. And you’re both Bermudians!”

What does that mean? Anyway I heard her out. They wanted a second date. Fine.

Finding a sane roof over your head.

I moved my schedule around. I got dressed in some of my best jeans and I showed-up on time. Maybe it’s because I forgot the flowers. Was I supposed to bring chocolates?

Whatever the case is, we began discussing deal breakers. Yes, I wrote deal breakers.

Did I have any? “Uh, don’t be loud in the morning?”

I really didn’t have anything else to say. I actually laughed. Deal breakers?! Are you trying to find a roommate or a soulmate?

The third date never appeared. I kept looking at my phone. Why won’t it ring? Why are they not calling? Maybe they lost my number? Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed so hard?

After three days I realized they had gone with my competitor. I would never hear from them again…….

Or so I thought.

Almost two weeks later? “Uh….so the place is still on the market if you wanted to stop-by and figure out if you could move in,” was the message on my phone.

Just as I had given-up. Just as I was moving on, I get the call. Typical.

I might be looking for a place to stay, but I’m not desperate. I have some respect and quite frankly I do not move in for any less than begging.

I’ve moved-on to someone who doesn’t have quite so many deal breakers. Myself. Bring on the studio!